The Redemptive Aspects of Depression (part 5)

I hope this blog series on depression has been a blessing to you.  Again, I want to remind you that I am not advocating looking for suffering for the sake of suffering, but it is my hope and prayer that you see that God is in the middle of our pain and how He wants to be the source of our comfort.

I think the best way to describe what I'm talking about is a story from when my son was about 2 years old. He was sitting on my lap and we were just having one of those father-son moments where he recognizes me as father and was delighted to be just in my presence.  I was equally delighted to be in his, so we were just hanging out having fun as father and son.  He always liked to hang onto pens, I think because he saw me writing a lot and it was his way of being like me.  My son was sitting on my lap holding the pen and I noticed that the pen had started to leak; it was all over his mouth and on his hands.  So, as a loving father, I didn't want to the ink to hurt him and I began to take the pen out of his hands. At 2 years old, he didn't speak in complete sentences, but when I started to take the pen out of his hand he gave me a look as if to say “if you take this pen out of my hand it's not going to go well for you”, meaning he gave me a look that said “I'm going to lose it”.  I knew that if I took the pen he would hold true to his word. I knew that this was going to be a learning moment for my son because I'm not going to get another pen to keep him from losing it. I want him to see that I'm going to be enough for him in that moment as I take the pen from him. I don't want the ink to hurt him; I also don't want him to believe the only way that he doesn't melt down is that I go get another pen. I want him to see that his source of comfort isn't going to be another pen.

So as I take the pen, he holds true to his word and jumps off my lap and melts down. Nothing in this moment exists in his life except for the loss of his pen. So I ask the question, does my son see me as his betrayer? Yes. There's no way he would understand why I had to take the pen. Now as a loving father, I know that he sees me wrong but I don't respond in kind. Now it hurts me that I see that he hurt so much but I want more for him. And the more isn't another pen… it's me. I know that I am enough for him, but he doesn't know that. So I scooped him up and I hold him and he looks to see if I have a pen for him and when he sees that I don't have a pen for him he loses it even more. Now I can see him wrestling with this in the moment of his pain because he knows that I am a source of comfort for him but he also realizes I just took the pen from him. He finally relents because for him the pain was too much and he needed comfort and he realizes that it's not going to come from the pen, it’s going to come from me and he finally just melts into my chest, finding comfort from me.

You see, that was one of the greatest moments I had with my son because he clung to me as his source of comfort.  I'm not sure he would say that because it was so hard for him. In the same way, we think we know what we need and when God doesn't give us what we think we need we look at Him as a traitor, or our betrayer.  When we go to Him as our source of comfort and nothing else, I believe God also believes these are great moments for Him when we cling to Him rather than things of Him.  The absolute truth is that God physically comforts, emotionally comforts, and spiritually comforts. 

Can you think of times when God took the “pen” from you and you threw a fit because you believe God didn’t have your best interest?  We have to stop seeking healing and seek the healer.  We have to stop seeking the blessings and seek the Blesser.  We have to stop seeking answers and seek the Answer Giver. I will never tell someone who is hurting that it will get better, because that means I'm saying that God is not enough now in the moment. The truth is; God is always enough.